So what has Rhea been up to since summer?

Well this blog entry is long overdue. As you can see I'm not too good at blogging at regular intervals. Sorry to disappoint my readers. I hope the three of you have been able to keep busy and entertained in other ways.
 I really meant to write after my first surgery, then after my second, then at the one year anniversary of my diagnoses, but to be really honest, I was too busy watching crap television, taking/weaning myself off of/taking again narcotic pain medication, oh, and feeling sorry for myself. There was a lot of feeling sorry for myself. Which I'm not sorry about. I have every right to feel bad for me, you should feel bad for me too. I have had five organs, part of my colon, and half of my liver removed. I spent almost a month straight in the hospital. I did something I never thought I would do, watch the seasons change from a hospital bed. My "plumbing" has been, er...temporarily rerouted and I now get to join millions of grandmothers and grandfathers (and some young folk like me) around the world with a poop bag attached to my side. I dropped to a scary 97lbs, struggled to shower, cook, eat, and when the nausea bouts hit, struggled to watch tv, hell I even struggled to struggle. Just being alive was very very hard. The depression, the feelings I had, well they were feelings that I truly hope none I love ever have to experience.
  But throughout that, I learned what I was made of, and what my friends and family are made of too. Some of what I learned was surprising, in good and bad ways, about myself and about others. A battle like this, and it is a battle, can truly bring out the best in people, and when all is said and done, I think I've learned that those who have fought with me through this are the kind of people you don't have to clean your house for when they visit! These are the people that understand that I can be an asshole now. That I don't have the patience or energy right now that I used to, and that, hopefully, it's only temporary, because over the past months, all of my energy is for me, to fix me. They are the people who stayed after the initial fanfare and rallying of support in the beginning, who reach out even if I don't reach back, who know that I still love them and want to be there for them, but there are often days where I can't hear about their mundane, self-inflicted problems. For each of you, I am so thankful. I promise I will be less of an asshole this year. Well I take that back, lets get me through this last surgery in a couple of weeks, fix my plumbing and get rid of my ostomy. Oh and keep me cancer free, that's a big one, cause if the cancer comes back I'm going back into selfish dick mode for awhile. And I won't feel bad about it then either.
 So lets end on a good note though. I am currently NED (which means no evidence of disease, aka, free of visible cancer, we don't call it remission anymore, that's misleading). I go in for my last surgery in a couple of weeks and I'm really looking forward to the delicious green jello, fashionable gown with built in air conditioning, and the never ending dialouge with about 15 people about my bowel movements. Oy, lets hope it's a short stay and a cancer free 2014! Happy New Year everyone!